Dan Marino

Dan Marino is fucking awesome. He more than earned his money. Fuck his ring count, he had what the NFL calls the 'Worst offensive line in history'. And he -still- made NFL records -EVERY SEASON- he played in the NFL.

Diss Dan marino...

You give up on life.

Dan Marino will destroy you all with an atomic football.

Oh, oh, oh Anybody know how many World Records Dan Marino has?

^_^

And if anyone speak-say anything about Brett Farve. I'mma laugh.

Brett Farve sucks... but then again so does my home town QB. but I am still a Bears fan through and through.

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Malkav, Malkav, wherefore art not all others Malkavian?

The Legacy and majesty of Dan Marino is undeniable. All residents of south Florida bow before his sheer awesomeness, lest our heads 'esplode from his displeasure.

I have to ask...whats the big deal about Dan Marino...iam sorry but i just dont see it ye hes a good player but i have to say Farve is a bit better

Favre? Better than Marino? Pfffft.... Ole Brett may have the touchdown record but he -also- has the interception record. Marino? He was in Ace Ventura. That should say it all.

Besides, Romo could take him in a fist fight. Both of them! At the same time! HA!

As I said Farve sucks. 'nuff said.

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Malkav, Malkav, wherefore art not all others Malkavian?

...Brett..Farve...

-Builds gun embankment and begins opening fire with a 240B on Kamon.-

HERETIC!

Hay all i did was ask whats the dig deal with Marino and staet an opinoi....yet i see nobody has said what the big deal with him is?

he is dan mother fucking marino. and fell knight and I are both from Miami. 'nuff said.

Wait wait wait.... isnt that the guy who played "The Incredible Hulk" in the television series? =p

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I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals. -Bash.org

Lue Fregno played the hulk on the old tv show...and secondly So hes Dan Marino that and a coupel bucks still buys him a cup of coffee in the morning

If you don't know who Dan Marino is, he's the world champion in tae kwon do, jujutsu, kickboxing, football, karate, fencing, sumo wrestling, tae po, pad thai, Street fighter II, rugby, hockey, and he holds a certification of participation in the national spelling bee.

Would you like to learn more of the sheer amazingness that is Dan Marino? Read on than.

Dan Marino...

.... is Lord of All Creation.

... is the chosen Avatar of Awesome on the Prime Material Plane.

... didn't kick his mother as an unborn amazing-creature, instead he threw tiny footballs at her uterus.

... Killed Chuck Norris.

... is the guy your momma 'act' like she don't know.

... is the object which powers Santa's sled. One throw takes car of Christmas for a year.

... is personal friends with Buddy Jesus...

... and Ace Ventura...

... and Rick Ross...

.... and Young Jezzy...

... And yo momma.

... has more money than every single jew has ever saved or laid eyes on. In the history of Earth.

... has begun working for NASA launching Satellites at distant planets.

... eats rocks and shits lightning bolts. One time Dan Marino was walking around in the forest, looking for hippies to use as firewood, when a wild boar suddenly crossed his path. Big mistake. Dan lifted the boar into the air with his mind, spun him around, and digested him telekinetically. And Dan wasn't even hungry.

.. has no weakness, he is the machine of ultimate destruction. One time a big shot movie producer approached Dan Marino with a screenplay starring him versus King Kong, Gidorah, Dracula, Satan, Charles Bronson, Chuck Norris, and that Russian boxer from Rocky IV. The movie was never made though because studios felt that it was too far fetched, since nobody, but nobody stands a chance against Dan Marino.

.. found out about the movie, he was so furious that the producer had to offer his daughter's virginity to appease him. Dan accepted the offer and then torched the producer's family in their sleep. The producer wrote Dan a "thank you" letter for sparing his life, which Dan promptly crumpled up and urinated on.

The History of Dan Marino

Not much is known about Dan Marino's childhood. Dan Marino has no mother, as crawling out of a vagina is unbecoming of a man of his stature. Dan spontaneously came into existence on Karl Marx's birthday. This is no coincidence since Dan Marino is the polar opposite of communism; he is the yang to communism's yin, and the very thought of a political theory that suggests that people should have their own means of production in a classless society makes Dan Marino want to puke.

Dan Marino has fought in almost every single major war, including the Korean War, World War 1, the American Civil War, the Peloponnesian War, the Iran-Iraq War (On both sides simultaneously), the War of the Worlds, and the War on Drugs. The only war Dan hasn't fought in is the Macedonian war because Dan Marino doesn't give a shit about Macedonia. Dan Marino wins wars by attrition.

Here is a list of Dan's favorite foods:

-Whiskey

Sometimes when Dan gets tired of whiskey, he'll eat bread, cheese, some tomato paste and a handful of basil, which sounds like Pizza, but it's not because Dan Marino doesn't want to give the Italians the credit. Every now and then, Dan Marino will sit down and eat an entire plate of sausage and onions for no reason.

Encounters with Dan

One time I went to Dan Marino's house on Halloween, and I dressed up like a pussy because you're supposed to dress like something your not, and I figured that Dan Marino would appreciate the ironic humor. I walked up a winding pathway to his house, which was a giant floating volcano with American bald eagles flying around it, and with a long staircase leading to the top.
I walked up the staircase for what seemed like days, and when I finally reached the top, I saw Dan Marino sitting on his throne. I dared not look him in his eyes because one time this guy looked him in the eyes and Dan Marino spontaneously combusted him. No one is allowed to speak with Dan: the only thing you are allowed to do in his presence is bow, kiss his ring bow again, and leave. So I walked up to his throne and saw that h was wearing a ring made out of solid diamonds with a Dolphin on it that had an erection.
I kissed his ring, and then I wanted to than him, so I said, "Sir, permission to thank you for the privilege of allowing me to kiss your ring." If Dan Marino doesn't immediately kill you, that means he has granted you permission. I thanked him, bowed, and left. It was the happiest day of my life.
I once had a friend who claimed that he went over to Dan Marino's house and hung out with him. I didn't believe him, so I asked him for proof and he told me that Dan Marino owns the complete Back to the Future trilogy on laser disc. I was so jealous that I called him a liar, but deep inside I knew he was telling the truth.

A Day in the Life of Dan Marino

The word "day" is a bit misleading when talking about Dan Marino because a day in his life is less like the twenty-four-hour day most people associate with the word, and more like an eon God describes as a day during the creation of the universe:

Dan Marino starts his day like every red-blooded man: with a giant boner. After rubbing one off, Dan flosses his teeth with steel wool. Then he eats a bowl of dynamite, takes a massive two-flush megashit, and wipes his ass with intercepted letters to Santa Claus.
After breakfast, Dan brings in his mail and uses the Spear of Destiny s an envelope opener. Dan Marino not only stays up to date on current events but future ones as well so that he can ruin the ending to new Harry Potter books before they're even written.
One time, Dan Marino read a news piece about some guy who was given the death penalty for treason. Treason is especially offensive to Dan because he embodies everything that is, was, or ever will be American. Dan Marino loves America so much that when he gets interrupted during love, he gets red, white, and blue balls. So when Dan read about this traitor, he killed himself, went to hell and ripped the guy's face off and uses it as a loincloth to this day. Dan than resurrected himself, went n to defeat the Buffalo Bills entire team in a game of football than then went to lunch, and paid for his food using exact change.
In the evening, Dan Marino likes to sit in the dark of a Maroone dealership and silently pray that his enemies get cancer.

Thus concludes a day in the life of the greatest American ever to live.

I think that should be supplemented into Wikipedia.

Personaly i think you all need to stop rideing Dan Marieno's nuts and make a name for yourselves............lol you all know iam fuckign with ya

Dan Marino owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.

Dan Marino doesnt consider it love if the woman lives.

Dan Marino once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

When Dan Marino had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Dan Marino got an award for masturbating in public.

If Dan Marino is late, time better slow the fuck down

Dan Marino ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Dan Marino and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Dan Marino frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

There is no such thing as tornados. Dan Marino just hates trailer parks.

Dan Marinos' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Dan with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard’s curly, well kept hair, Dan Marino became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk.

Dan Marino masterbates with a sledgehammer.

Dan Marino prefers Mr. Pibb to Dr. Pepper. When asked why, he responded, “I don’t trust doctors.” He proceeded to shot laser beams out of his eyes and ate the hearts of everyone in the room.

The role of Alf, from the hit 80s TV show of the same name was actually played by Dan Marinos' penis.

In the 80’s it was discovered that President Reagan had an inoperable growth on his brain. Rather than letting him die, they shrunk Dan Marino and injected him into President Reagan. There, he fought the tumor and defeated it with a Hail Mary Pass to the face. The tumor died and Dan Marino safely exited Ronald Regan’s body. Dan Marino then had Reagan’s tumor mounted on his wall next to the elephant that he killed with his bare hands and the dinosaur he shot on his hunting expedition to the Jurassic Period.

Dan Marino commands all five lions of Voltron simultaneously.

Dan Marino is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Dan Marino has two speeds: walk and kill.

When Dan Marino goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a Football and a bucket.

Dan Marino has an ongoing feud with the Keebler elves. It started when they stole his idea for putting a kitchen in a tree. While the elves now make subpar cookies in the tree, Dan’s tree contains a fully functioning crystal meth lab.

Dan Marino can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.